If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
