How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
