i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
