i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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