he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
