Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
