I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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