thus making me awesome and them whores
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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