The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
