You can't special order awesome
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
