gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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