it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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