walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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