I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
