I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
