Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
