yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
