He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
