apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
