is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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