You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
