My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
