an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
