turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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