You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
