I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
