Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There's always time for handjobs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
