i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
