Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
