im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
