Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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