im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
