too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
