so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
