normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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