He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
