Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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