are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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