So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need to align my fucking chakras
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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