I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
