I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
