with your own penis?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize