She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
