I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
