From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize