Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
