I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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