Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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