I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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