We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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