my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
