I think I died a long time ago.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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