I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
