ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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