I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
