the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
