I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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