if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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