I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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