The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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