Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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