saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
