The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
