I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I want a musical about memes.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
