Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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