saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
