I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
