You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
