Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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