I wanna passion pit in your ass
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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