It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
