Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
