Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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