I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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