I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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