I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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