Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize