Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
