Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
