i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
