some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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