May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Someone shattered a urinal.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
