Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize