so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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