It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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