it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
