are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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